I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
