she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
