I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
