Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
