well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
