So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
