just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Drunk is a universal language darling
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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