Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
It's like God shit irony all over that family
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize