Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
