is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
