I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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