I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I have fence marks all over my body
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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