Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Never joke about your clitoris.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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