Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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