Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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