There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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