did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Soap is not a condiment
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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