did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
