remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
