I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
