Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
My penis needs a shock collar
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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