The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
