Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize