Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Is that strawberry winking at me??
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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