Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
