I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Randomize
