You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I have post one night stand depression
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize