I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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