how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
