I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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