somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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