We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
