Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
