Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
