Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
