I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
