bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
