I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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