dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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