She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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