Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
smell my finger.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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