is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
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