my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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