thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
