thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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