I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
