I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
There r osticjed everywhere
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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