if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Randomize
