took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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