i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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