thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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