I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I touched a dick in church today
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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