My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize