I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
