I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize