just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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