come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
