Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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