how can u be prego again
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
why does every cop we meet know your name?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize