ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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