wrigley field is MILF paradise
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I want her autograph on my taint
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
