I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
