this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
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