you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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