I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
