k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
