He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
