i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
