Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
