Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
